Killing Loneliness
by Jonaleepuff
Summary: Graire. Mentions of Gray/Mary. She was used to being lonely, he wasn't. When she offers him some love advice, does he manage to put it to good use?
1. Chapter 1

**Killing Loneliness**

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><p>I noticed her from day one. She moved in beside the shop on the first day of spring, dragging bags of luggage down the street and shouting obscenities when her arms gave out. I was surprised Duke and Manna didn't come out of their place and yell at her for making such a ruckus. Actually, <em>surprised<em> doesn't even begin to describe my initial impression of her. More like completely shocked.

I didn't think much of her at the time. She was just some girl that made me lose focus from work. Not that she was especially pretty or anything, but because she was so damn noisy.

She always left her farm at exactly eleven. Like clockwork, a flash of blond would pass by in this amazing speed. The first time I didn't pay any attention to it, but as the days passed I always noticed it. And I hated how I noticed it. It reminded me that there was two more hours before I could leave this hellhole.

Before she came to Mineral Town the days passed by quickly and now it was like time stood still.

x

It was on a Thursday and I finally finished work at the shop. I left right away, anxious to see her. After all, Mary was the only reason I managed to get through the day.

I remember the first time I met her like it was yesterday. It was a few days after I first arrived in Mineral Town and my first day off. I wandered around the town feeling depressed and alone. Working with Gramps was probably one of the worst experiences of my life and I already wanted to go back home.

After walking around the town twice, I looked up to see the library's sign. I was never big on reading, but I just needed some place to kill time. With the flick of my wrist, I came face-to-face with the girl that would change my life forever.

She sat at the front desk with her nose buried into a book. I stared at her for at least a full minute before deciding to make my presence known. The clear of my throat sent her jumping in her seat accompanied by a tiny shriek.

"Y—You scared me half to death!" She squeaked after setting her book down.

I studied her face. She had long dark hair twisted into a ponytail and behind her thick glasses were large eyes. I felt my slightly flush and I brought my hand to the back of my head. "Sorry...I didn't mean to surprise you. I've been standing here for awhile now..."

She shook her head three times. "No! I mean, it's okay! I've been too preoccupied with reading to notice..."

We laughed and before I knew it, we were standing in one of the aisles talking about everything from blacksmithing to farming. Just when I thought we ran out of things to talk about, she asked, "Will you come by tomorrow?"

And before I had a chance to mess up, I replied with, "Yes."

Feelings of nervousness always got the best of me on the walk there, but when I entered the library it all seemed to disappear. This day however, when I opened the door my heart sank and all chances I had of talking to her alone flew out the window. There she was chatting with the 'oil-to-my-water' blonde farmer, Claire.

"Gray, it's nice of you to come by." Mary smiled. Even though she said that everyday, I could still feel my cheeks flush at her words. I looked towards the ground to hide it. I didn't want to give myself away. Especially in front of the new farmer.

"It's no big deal..."

"Did you need help finding any books today?"

I looked up and my eyes locked with Claire's. I never noticed before how intense her eyes were. "No...just looking around."

"Well, if you do need any help just let me know." And with that final sentiment she went back to talking.

I browsed through the tall bookshelves for what must have been the eighth time. I was trying to wait Claire out. I had been looking forward to talking to Mary today and damn it, nothing was stopping me now.

There was nothing in particular that caught my eye, just some books on forging and jewelry making. It felt like I had been there for an hour, but it was probably twenty minutes at most. I heard Mary's mother Anna call for her and Mary excused herself to Claire. It was just like her—always so polite. I let out a sigh.

"You like her, don't you?" I jumped and turned around. It was Claire. Damn, she must have been a ninja or something because I didn't even hear her walk up the stairs.

"W—What?"

Her blue eyes held mine captive. "Mary. You have a crush on her."

I fidgeted with the bill of my cap nervously. Damn. Looks like I wasn't good at hiding anything. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Her fingers ran down the spine of an old worn-out book that read _Love and War_. "I can help you." She said suddenly. I stared at her. She was serious.

"I don't need your help." I said quietly. Her laughter bothered me immensely. "What?"

She threw her hair over her shoulder. "I'm sure you don't. But it never hurts to have extra help, right?"

"Why would you do that? Help someone like me..." I asked, looking away. The girl had me beat. The word suspicious was an understatement to what I was feeling. Who was she to go around offering help? After our first meeting when I viciously yelled at her, I wasn't exactly friendly towards her. Hell, _friends_ were the last thing I would call us. We were acquaintances at best.

She pulled the spine of the old book out so it jutted out at an angle then turned to face me.

"Because I know what it's like to be alone."


	2. Chapter 2

Alone.

The word never held any significant meaning to me, but when Claire said that sentence I couldn't help but be able to relate. Was I still alone? Or for that matter, was I still lonely? Since I met Mary I thought my days of loneliness were finally over, but maybe that wasn't really the case. What was I doing when I wasn't at the library talking to her? Oh, that's right…I spent the rest of my time at the Inn talking to Ann and Doug.

It was a few days after the fateful encounter with Claire at the library and work at the shop was finally over for the day. I quickly got ready to leave, but as I threw on my jacket to leave the old man stopped me.

"Deliver this to Claire on your way out." I looked in his hands and saw a hammer. Then I remembered. Claire visited us a day after the library fiasco wanting to upgrade it. Once I saw her heading towards the shop I told Grandpa I needed to go to the washroom and excused myself before I could see her. When she told me she would help I didn't know how to respond. As much as I wanted help, I didn't want to accept it from someone else...especially her. I knew the day would come when I'd eventually have to face her. I grunted in response and took it from him.

The weather was nice today; bright blue skies and strong sunlight. I inhaled sharply, then drew out my breath. The walk to her farm was unusually quick—then again I never really visited her. I hid in the background when I saw her watering some plants. I don't know why I felt the urge to hide from her, but I found myself watching in silence.

Claire never made sense to me. Just a few weeks ago I was snapping at her for walking into a fight between me and Gramps, yet two days ago she was offering help. Why did she do that, anyway? If she knew what it was like to be lonely then why didn't she help herself? Was she that ignorant or was she simply that kind-hearted?

She was graceful; walking to and from patches of vegetables making sure to stay clear of rocks and twigs. It was hard to tell, but I could hear her humming a melody. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was something I had heard before.

Then the unthinkable happened; she tripped on a stump. The second I saw it happen I expected her to start swearing and flailing about, but I was surprised when there was nothing but a murmur of a curse. I don't know why, maybe it was the Good Samaritan in me, but I dropped the hammer and ran to her side. I felt my hat fell off and as uncomfortable as I was without it, I managed to keep running.

"Hey!" I called out halfway to her causing her to look at me. Once I caught up to her, I squatted down to check up on her. "Are you okay?"

She examined the wound briefly and then covered it up with her hand before looking up at me. "I'm fine."

I took her hand away and inspected her knee. "You have to be more careful."

She shook her head. The girl was too damn strong for her own good. "I said I'm fine." She replied and then moved to stand up. The sudden pressure on her leg caused her to lose balance and fall back onto the ground. "Ouch…"

What was with her? I wondered. Why did she always have to act so head-strong? Instead of dwelling on the point further, I sighed turned my back to her. "Get on."

She obliged like I knew she would, and wrapped her arms around my neck. In one swift movement I hoisted her onto my back and grabbed her legs.

The inside of her house was what I imagined it must look like: small and cramped. It felt lonely inside. It was in perfect order; no clothes thrown about and not one mug out of place. It was like it was all for show. Some place she didn't spend time in at all.

I set her down on her bed and looked at her knee again. It wasn't deep, but there was a lot of blood. I winced at the sight. I skimmed her house for a first aid kit, but her eyes caught mine and she motioned towards the trunk that sat next to the door. I felt her eyes on me as I walked towards the area she pointed and found the kit.

"Do you feel lonely sometimes?" I asked somewhat hesitantly.

I looked back quick enough to catch her stare. It was unreadable and I couldn't tell if it was shock or just humor. "What?"

"Lonely," I repeated, "Isolated."

She looked to her side and brushed some hair away from her eyes. "You can be alone without being lonely, Gray."

"Don't give me that philosophical crap, Claire." I sighed, running a hand through my exposed hair. "Answer the question."

Right when I thought I was starting to understand her...she smiled. It was small and almost too fast to catch, but I seemed to notice everything when it came to her. "Sometimes. I don't like it. Being alone is scary, you know?"

A few moments later I opened her first aid kit and pulled out an astringent. I saw the way her hands clutched at the bedspread and wondered if she was afraid I'd The second the cotton swab touched her skin she made a face. "Does it hurt?" I asked.

She looked at me strangely. "Being alone?"

"Your knee." I murmured.

She caught herself, then laughed. "It's not that bad."

I grit my teeth and pressed the iodine swap against her knee harder. She winced. "You don't need to be so brave."

She raised her gaze to look at me and gave me one of those damn smiles. "Hi, kettle."

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed as I threw away the piece of cotton. "Rest for the day just to be safe. I'll finish your chores."

"That's too much to ask," she said, trying to stand back up.

"You're not asking. I'm volunteering."

Once I was done I closed the kit and placed it back where I found it. As I headed out the door I stopped and looked at her one more time. She looked so damn vulnerable and for once she didn't seem so tough.

And I silently wondered if I looked the same way.


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later Claire and I sat across from each other at the Inn. It was early in the day, about 11AM. Gramps decided to give me a day off since I had been working so hard lately and Claire jumped at the opportunity.

I could see in Ann and Doug's eyes that they thought it was weird I was alone with her. I could only imagine what they would say if they knew what we were plotting…

"I noticed something," she started over a plate of fried rice. "Why do you always bring Mary flowers?"

I nearly choked on my damn sandwich. "How did you know I always bring her flowers?"

"I live and breathe," she replied casually. She avoided my gaze for as long as possible, but my intense glare must have broken her down. "Okay, we talk about things."

"L-Like what?" When she didn't answer, I kept talking, "Besides, what's wrong with flowers? I thought girls like stuff like that..."

"Well, she's not just a _girl_. She's Mary. I thought you of all people would understand that. She likes herbs."

"Herbs? You mean those random weeds that grow all over the mountain?"

"They're called herbs, Gray," she said with a wag of her finger. "The Doctor makes medicine out of them."

Boy did I feel like an idiot. "O-Oh." I stammered weakly.

"Looks like I've got my work cut out for me." She took one last sip of her juice before pushing away from the table. "Come on, we're going to the mountain."

"The mountain?"

"Do you have anything better to do?"

I set my cup down after taking a drink and looked to the clock. "Well…I was planning on visiting Mary…"

"With what? More flowers? You can visit her tomorrow. I'm sure she'll be delighted with what you'll bring her."

Nodding my head, I followed her out the door and towards Mother's Hill.

The walk to Mother's Hill was bothersome. I wasn't one for hiking and the incline was wreaking havoc on my stamina. Sure I was used to standing in front of a roaring fire, but I could never quite get used to the walk.

"What a view, huh?" She smiled after taking a seat in the grass field. "I love coming here when the weather is nice."

The grass was long and untamed and the few trees that were scattered around offered some shade from the sun's sweltering rays. After taking roughly twenty minutes just to get there this place felt like I haven. I was tempted to take a seat beside her and just relax, but I looked around for these so called 'herbs'.

"So, is this it?" I asked, pointing to a plant that grew in abundance.

"Those are weeds. Jeez, you really are clueless about nature." She deadpanned. She got up and walked off towards another direction, motioning me told me to follow. "See this? That's an herb. The color varies changes depending on the season. Here, try one."

"Is it…safe to eat raw?"

"Of course it is." She replied as she took a bite.

She handed me one in the process and I brought the foreign plant towards my mouth and braced myself. I was never one for vegetables, but if she ate one I'm sure I would survive. The taste was as good as it gets. It tasted like…a vegetable. Then again, it all tasted the same to me.

"Here, let's grab a whole bunch while we're here, her voice chided, "That way you don't have to walk back on your days off. It's a hard walk, huh?"

"Yeah..." I nodded. "I didn't think it'd be so bad."

"You'll get used to it," she smiled, "eventually."

I watched as she started to collect the tiny plants that grew all over the ground. She...really was serious about helping me. Who else would do this? Maybe she really wasn't lonely; just alone.

There was something in her eyes that shined brightly. It was something I hadn't seen in anyone else except for Mary. I wanted to know more about her, but I didn't know where to start. So I drew a steady breath and asked, "Have you ever been in love?"

I noticed the slump in her shoulders and the way her eyes averted elsewhere. It was a yes. That was obvious. Instead she answered, "Once. A long time ago." Her voice was light and aloof and it made me wonder what happened that was so bad that caused her to act this way?

"What was he like?"

She chuckled nervously and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "He was something else. My best friend in high school…I wanted to be something more, but he wanted to stay the same…The thing is, he acted like we were something more. I didn't just imagine it, you know? It's not like I was crazy. He was...the one that got away, as they call it."

I walked to her side and sat beside her, admiring the way she ever so slowly tugged on the base of the herb and as the roots left the ground I thought back to my days of high school in the city. Those days seemed so long ago. I wasn't well acquainted of the girls in school. Well, I kept to myself all the time. I couldn't relate to her feelings…but I knew what one-sided love felt like. "The one that got away, huh..."

Slowly, she turned to face me. Her bright blue eyes held mine in place and I held my breath when she asked, "Are you in love?"

"Love?" My heart felt like it sunk into my stomach. The word echoed in my mind and I thought back to all those times I went to see her. Was that it? Love? Did all of these emotions boil down to four little words?

Of course she wouldn't let me get away that easily. "With Mary."

I opened my mouth to say yes, but something stopped me. What was love, anyway? I always figured when the time came I could easily say I was in love, yet here I was stopping myself from speaking something I wasn't sure of. Wasn't I in love?

I couldn't find the right answer to tell her. I had never been so close to her before and I never noticed the small freckles on her cheeks. I felt like she was drawing me into her. What the hell was wrong with me? I liked Mary! Then why was it, I couldn't pull away?

"I don't know."

Her eyes held mine, unsteady and unreadable, and then she shook her head with a sigh. She pulled away and stood upright. "That's no good, Gray. You can't say 'I don't know' when you've been crushing on her since you came to Mineral Town."

My mind raced. What just almost happened? Was I about to…kiss her? Claire? "What about you?" I asked, trying to rid the thoughts that lingered in my mind. "Do you like anyone?"

"I do," she easily replied.

After I found the strength to stand up, I brushed the dirt from my pants. "But are you in love?"

"I don't know," she said quietly. I shot her a questioning glance. "Don't look at me like that. Maybe I'm just in love with the idea of being in love. Anyway, let's finish picking the rest of these."

She quickly rushed away and I found myself wanting to follow her.

The reason why was still unknown.


	4. Chapter 4

Claire was a pro at changing the subject. It was either that or I just didn't want to prod anymore. Days turned into weeks and we met up at least three times a week so she could coach me. She liked to call it coaching. I liked to call it nagging.

Whenever I had a day off from work (and we had no plans of meeting), Claire insisted I visit Mary to try some of the new techniques I learned. For the most part everything she taught me seemed to be working. Mary loved the herbs I brought her and the little anecdotes I learned from Claire.

I pushed the wooden door and the chime of the bell gave me away.

Mary's smile greeted me just like she always did. "Hi, Gray."

"Hey."

Seeing Mary started to feel more natural for me. I wasn't nearly as shy and reserved around her as I was before. For once I could uphold my end of the conversation and think of new and interesting things to say. I didn't say anything particularly funny, but she would smile anyway. It was probably thanks to Claire.

I never fully understood why I had feelings towards Mary. Sure, I thought she was pretty and all…and she gave me attention when nobody else did. I think that was how I first started liking her. But as the days passed by, I found more reasons to like her. She was like me, after all. Quiet and isolated. She kept to herself and didn't impose on anyone. When it came down to it, Claire was the exact opposite. I know she wasn't alone; sometimes I would hear others people talk about her. She liked to impose on other people and force them to do things they didn't want to do. Damn it, why was I thinking of her? Especially when I should be focusing on Mary!

"Gray, I was wondering…" She said nearly an hour after I stopped by. "Would you like to accompany me for a walk later?"

I stopped and my eyes wandered to the clock that hung on the wall. What should I say? I already had plans with Claire and she hated when I cancelled on her. On the other hand, if she knew I passed up a chance to spend time with Mary she'd be even angrier. "Later?"

"I mean! I completely understand if you're busy." She back-tracked.

"No, not at all." I dismissed. "I'll pick you up when you're off, okay?"

After saying bye, I left the library just as quickly as I entered and walked towards the Inn. The jingle of the bell used to signal the end of an otherwise lonely day, but now it always reminded me of Claire. Whenever I got off work I would head here and just like always, she was waiting for me.

"So, how did it go? Will you be buying me lunch again?" She asked with a smile. I ignored her comment and motioned Doug for two specials. "That well, huh? What did she say?"

"Nothing aside from the usual…" Then I stopped. "Well…actually, she asked if I wanted to do something after she's done at the library. Do you mind if I take a rain-check on the fishing?"

She blinked then smiled at Ann who passed by. "No, it's cool. I got some other things I gotta fix at the farm anyways. What are you two going to do?"

"I don't know. She didn't really tell me her plans."

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be tons of fun."

I had to admit, I was feeling pretty nervous. Mary and I never hung out together outside of the library. It would be the first time we went somewhere. Was this a 'date'? The sight of Ann's bright yellow shirt caught my eye and I waited for her to serve us before continuing the conversation.

"What needs fixing at the farm?"

"Just the fence. That last typhoon took a big chunk out of it."

"If you want I can take a look at it when I'm done hanging out with Mary."

"Not necessary. You enjoy your date. I can handle things on my own."

I opened my mouth to insist, but her serious stare cut me off.

"If you say so…If it's too difficult, just wait for me and I'll help you out."

A little while later, I left the Inn to head to the library. The sky was a warm orange color, swept with a pink undertone. I came empty-handed considering I just gave her my last herb earlier. I saw her locking up the library and came up behind her.

"Hey."

"Thanks for coming." She greeted.

I felt my cheeks tingle with nervousness. "No need to thank me…So, where did you want to go?"

"Is Mother's Hill okay?" She asked timidly.

The words _Mother's Hill_ were two words I wasn't fond of hearing. The hike there was always more trouble than it was ever worth. Especially since all I got out of it was a couple of herbs.

"It looks like there aren't many herbs for some reason." She frowned.

"Sorry, it's probably because I took them all." I apologized quietly.

"Oh, that's quite all right." She smiled sweetly, making my cheeks flush. "Thank you for doing that for me."

"It's no problem…"

She wandered around the grassy area and I followed her. Right when I thought it wasn't possible, she managed to find an herb I missed.

"You seem to have missed one." She hummed. Slowly, she bent down to uproot it. "Were you aware these herbs are made for medicine? I've talked to Doctor Trent and he told me that. It's incredible how these plants change colors along with the seasons. They remind me of people; always changing."

"That's really deep." I replied quietly. She was so bright and unassuming, and even though I wanted to come up with something interesting to say, my mind drifted. I wondered how Claire was doing. Was she okay working on the fence on her own? Was she lonely?

"Gray, you're close with Claire, right?"

"Close? I guess you could say that…Why?"

"Well, it's just that Claire's been acting a little odd lately. When I ask her about it she seems to shut down…For instance, were you aware that she has a crush on someone?"

"Yeah…she did mention something like that the last time we hung out."

"Would you happen to know who it is? N-Not that I'm prying, or anything! It's just that I've seen her around town with Cliff and—"

I turned to her in surprise. "Cliff? Oh…come to think of it I did see them a few times."

It was getting late and we decided to head home for the day. Throughout the walk back, I couldn't get Mary's words out of my head. Was Cliff really Claire's crush? Now that I thought about it, it made sense. Sometimes I'd see them pass by the shop or I'd even see them talking together at the Inn.

My mind was reeling and before I knew it, my feet brought me to her farm. I took a deep breath, then knocked on her door. My breath caught in my lungs as I wanted for the door to open. Then, there she was; clad in her blue pajamas, bright and airy.

"Gray? What are you doing here this late?" I tried to find something to say, but what was there? 'I just wanted to see you'? 'I heard your crush is Cliff'? She raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you want to come in?"

I nodded once, then followed her inside.

"Here to dish the details of the date, right?" She teased, going into her fridge. "Did you want something to drink?"

I shook my head, causing her to add in a _suit yourself_. "Can I ask you something?"

She reached for a glass tumbler and clicked it against the counter. "Sure, go ahead."

"Is your crush really…Cliff?"

She suddenly stopped pouring. So Mary was right. "Who told you that?"

"Mary said it in passing. She said she saw you guys talkin'…or something along those lines."

Everything went quiet and I waited for her to deny it. For some reason I wanted her to deny it, but instead she just stared at me, not saying anything. Slowly, she picked up both mugs and brought them to the table and I watched her expression anxiously. Why was she all of a sudden so damn unreadable?

When she took a seat across from me, her shoulders squared and a small smile played on her lips. "You found me out."


	5. Chapter 5

Her crush was really Cliff? Cliff, who could barely stand to look at women? Cliff, who shared a room with me at the Inn?

"You mean there's another Cliff?" She asked suddenly, nearly causing me to fall out of my chair. Damn, I must have said that out loud.

I had to recover quickly. "Sorry, I'm just a little surprised."

"I get that a lot," she sighed. "I saw the look on Mary's face when she saw me with him in Town Square. Pure horror. It must've been bad for her to bring it up to you."

"I guess I can see why she's so shocked…I never would have pictured you two together." I laughed nervously.

"Sorry we're not as obvious as you and Mary." She teased.

I ignored her jab. "So…you and Cliff? Since when?"

She brought a spoon to her mug and stirred. "I met him for the first time back in summer. I went browsing around town and found the church."

"You mean he actually spoke to you?"

"Not at first. It's Cliff, after all. It took some time before he was able to open up to me." I thought of something to say, but I was at a loss for words. "How was your date, anyway?"

"We ended up going to Mother's Hill for some herbs."

"Ouch." She laughed. "Didn't you take all of them?"

"I missed one, evidently."

"Did you enjoy the walk at least?"

I wanted to say no, after all I hated hiking. I was more of an indoors person. Sure I could fix an axe or make a necklace, but I hated hiking. "Sure."

"It's good to see you're getting your exercise. Other than me, what else did you two talk about?"

"Herbs."

She burst out laughing. "Looks like I shouldn't have given you that crash course then."

"Very funny."

"You know what Gray, I was thinking…The Winter Thanksgiving Festival is coming up and I think it would be the perfect opportunity to confess to Mary. That gives you three more weeks to prepare."

"Maybe…" I replied hesitantly.

I guess she heard the tone in my voice cause she also added in, "How about this…I'll confess on the same day. That way if we both get rejected, we'll have each other."

I stared at her with mixed emotions. Oddly enough it provided me with some comfort, but the notion was strange. Confess on the same day? What were we, best friends of something?

* * *

><p>The Winter Thanksgiving Festival was quickly approaching and I didn't know how to tell Claire. Since she made that quid pro quo things were starting to confuse the hell out of me. Claire and Cliff? What if he liked her too? What if they ended up getting married and leaving the town? He was just a drifter—he never mentioned having plans to stay. No, worse, what if he ended up moving in with her and freeloading off her farm?<p>

Sure I liked Cliff, but the guy barely worked. For the longest time he didn't have a job; he'd just forage anything he could find in the forest. Luckily for him Ann was kind enough to give him the occasional meal. The thought of Ann brought another million questions to mind. What would Ann do if they ended up together? She seemed tough, but she really wasn't. Nearly everyone knows how she feels about Cliff.

What was going on?

I considered telling Claire how I felt that I wasn't ready for the past few days. I wasn't afraid of Claire. Sure she could be pushy, but thankfully she was also understanding. After all, she was alone like I was. There was a saying-Misery loves company, was it? "I don't think…I can go through with it."

The look in her eyes caught me by surprise. I immediately decided it was somewhere between shock and…anger? "Why not?"

"I just feel like it's not enough." I muttered. "Like the timing's not right."

Although it wasn't the complete truth, it wasn't a lie either. Nothing about the situation was right. I liked Mary. Claire liked Cliff. She worked on setting me up with Mary and now I was wishing she didn't end up with Cliff? What the hell was wrong with me?

"You said that last week too. It's now or never, Gray. You can't keep putting things off."

"I know that. If you want you can go ahead and confess, but I—"

She crossed her arms defensively. "No, you don't know that. If you knew that you would march into the damn library and tell her how you really feel."

"What the hell is your problem?" I shouted gathering looks from other patrons in the inn. "You're supposed to be on my side!"

She crossed her arms defensively. "I am on your side. In fact, I'm the only one on your side. I'm more on your side than you are!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Stop being a chicken and grow a pair! You keep saying how much you like her, yet you never act on it. You're all talk and no action!"

I couldn't believe what was happening. Claire was supposed to be supportive! She was always on my side and all of a sudden she was spazzing out on me! "You know what? I don't need this! Especially from some farmer who's afraid to tell her crush how she feels! You're nothing but a hypocrite!"

* * *

><p>The fifth day of winter came and I was hard at work. It had been at least six days since my falling out with Claire and I was getting even tenser. I hated not seeing her every day. More than that, I hated that I wanted to. Who was she to just walk into my life and change everything? I didn't need to be fixed; I could have lived like that forever. But now everything was different and I realized how much I valued her.<p>

The sound of knocking at the door sounded and I did my best to ignore it. Probably just Rick coming to buy more jewellery for Karen, I thought bitterly. Then Gramps' cough interrupted my work. "She's at the door for you." He grunted.

I instantly felt relieved once he told me she was out there. I guess she wasn't as mad as I thought and hell, she was a lot more mature than I was to come back and apologize first. I put down the ore I was working with and threw a towel around my neck before stepping out to see her.

She looked the exact same, which told me she was fine. She didn't have trouble sleeping like I did. I secretly hoped she didn't notice the bags under my eyes.

"What's up?" I asked with forced nonchalance.

At first her eyes stayed glued to the ground, but she managed to bring herself to look at me in the eyes. "I just came to say sorry."

"Don't be." I interrupted, "You were right...I'm going to talk to her today after work. I'm sorry about what I said to you too. I guess I wasn't very considerate of your feelings...You spent a lot of time coaching me, so I guess it was rude to doubt you."

"Everyone has their doubts," she assured quietly. "Sometimes I doubt my own methods."

"You shouldn't. From what I can tell you know exactly what you're doing." I waited for her to reply, but when she just smiled I was at a loss for words. "Uh…well, I gotta get back to work now or else Gramps will chew me out. Later."

"Gray!" I stopped and turned back towards her slowly. There was something heavy in the air—something I didn't notice before. Her mouth opened slowly. "I..."

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, ridding herself of whatever was lurking in her head. "Good luck!"

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I stepped forward to pat her on the head. "Thank you."

Then I turned around and went back into the shop. Once the door clicked in place behind me, I leaned against it and let out a long breath.


	6. Chapter 6

Even more days passed and I tried to find ways to keep busy. I still visited Mary and talked to Claire, but now that the moment of truth was coming up, I felt terrified. I guess I figured if I didn't bring it up then nothing would change. Maybe I didn't want things to change. At least work at the blacksmith shop was good at keeping my mind off things.

"What's wrong with it now?" I groaned for the third time.

"I told you before, the blade isn't proportional to the head." He grunted, holding up the axe for careful inspection. "The angle of the handle is off too. It can easily break after a few uses. Do you want to end up injuring a customer of ours? Do it again."

I stared at Gramps with frustration, wanting to yell back at him. Though I knew if I would, it would wind up with us arguing again. There was no use in fighting it. I looked at the clock. Only about an hour until the shop closed. I had to do it today. Not wanting to prolong this hell any longer, I grunted and took the axe from him.

Three hours and eight attempts later, the axe was finally _on the right track_, as he liked to say. There was still some ways to go, but it was finally good enough for the day. It was unusual for him to keep me pass the usual time. It was like he knew I had something important to do and decided to make it as difficult as possible for me.

Once four-thirty hit, he finally looked at me and sighed. I couldn't really place the expression on his face. Then again, I tried to avoid looking at him as much as possible.

"Good work today."

I stared at him in disbelief. Was he actually congratulating me? "...Thanks."

We stared at each other for a few seconds before he cleared his throat suddenly. "Well then, you may as well take off. Will you be seeing Claire today?"

The name brought a jolt to my chest and a feeling I wasn't really used to feeling; weird and jittery. "Claire? No...not today."

"I thought you two made up?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

"It's not that," I replied, "I just have something else to do."

I pretended not to notice as he mumbled something under his breath. "Well, good luck."

After excusing myself, I started running to the library. There wasn't much time left, there was only fifteen minutes before it would be closed for the night. Each step made my stomach churn and even though I felt jittery and nervous as hell, I had to keep going.

I pushed the door open with all my strength, not thinking about the consequences and I looked around quickly. She wasn't at her desk; she wasn't at a table. Then I saw a glimpse of blue on the second floor. I pushed my body up the stairs, feeling nothing but the adrenaline running through my system.

"G-Gray! What on earth is the matter?" She squeaked, bending down to pick up the book that slipped out of her fingers.

I inhaled a breath of much-needed air, then let it out. "I...need to talk to you." My heart was hammering against my chest and I knew this was it. Moments turned into days which led to years and it all came down to this moment. "Mary, I...I..."

"Do like me?" The air around us stilled and she watched me warily.

Suddenly everything disappeared and it was just the two of us. "Yes."

I watched her, waiting for a sign. Any trace that might just say she liked me too. It wasn't there; no light of recognition, or smile of happiness. Just a stare.

"I see..." She said quietly. I see? This wasn't the answer I was hoping for. I knew that face: she was weighing my answer. "And how long have you felt this way?"

The question took me by complete surprise. Why did it even matter? "Ever since I can remember." I muttered. "Like, ever since we met."

"What about Claire?" She asked, her expression never-changing.

"Claire?" I repeated, confused. What about Claire?

"It wouldn't be fair to her. I see the way you look at her. You like her."

I could feel my face heat up. I opened my mouth to fight the accusation, but I could feel the words jumble. "That's insane. She's just a friend."

"So you're saying if she started dating Cliff you'd be okay with that?"

"I..."

"If the two of them started dating, would you be able to cheer them on?"

I wanted to reply and tell her she was wrong, but something inside of me stopped myself. Why couldn't I answer her? Her sigh broke my train of thought and I turned my attention back towards her.

"I'll give you some time to give me your answer. Good night, Gray."

I could only watch in silence as she turned her back and continued sorting.

* * *

><p>I watched as I polished off another glass of beer. Somehow it made me feel better. I wasn't one for excessive drinking, but I wanted to erase the memory from earlier. The look Mary gave me when I told her; the click of the library door once I left. It was all too much to bear.<p>

The jingle of the Inn's bell went off and I became cautious at the sound of footsteps that approached me from behind.

"Do you mind?" She asked. I barely had time to shake my head before I heard her pull out a chair and plop down beside me. "How did it go?"

"Can't you tell?" I said quietly, and then cursed under my breath. I was in a horrible mood, but I didn't mean to take it out on her. I caught sight of Ann from across the Inn and motioned for another beer. "Not good."

She was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Oh...Sorry."

"Don't apologize." I muttered, my eyes refusing to leave the empty glass. "I never want to hear the word _sorry_ for the rest of my life."

She said nothing until Ann came by with that other glass. There would have been at least three glasses by now if she wasn't continuously coming by and clearing them off while nagging me in the process. Thankfully Claire was now here to take the heat off me. I half-listened while they made small chit-chat and Claire ordered a drink for herself. Ann obliged without a second thought and left the two of us alone.

"What did she say?" Claire asked, her attention now fully on me. "If you don't mind me asking."

I felt my jaw clench. "She said that it wouldn't be fair. That I didn't really like her. That I liked someone else."

Her eyes held mine steadily. "Who?"

Ann finally came by and handed us our orders along with her signature scowl for me then walked away.

"You." Claire's glass hit the table and suddenly the murmurs of other patrons faded away. Her eyes on mine were too intense and I had to look away. I immediately knew that I shouldn't have said anything at all. "I mean...that's what she said."

For a moment she said nothing and I was okay with that. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to say anything, but she couldn't have that. "Do you?"

"Do I what?" I asked, trying to mask the fear in my voice.

The look in her eyes told me she saw straight through me. "Don't play coy Gray, it doesn't suit you." She tried to laugh. "Do you like me?"

When did my should-have-beens turn into my could-have-beens?

"I can't."

"Why not?" Her voice was small and fragile and it struck me how everything had changed. She was never this small before and she damn sure wasn't as fragile. What had changed? When did I start viewing her differently?

I took a deep breath. "It wouldn't be fair to your crush."

She picked up her glass slowly and brought it to her lips.

* * *

><p>Five beers later and my vision was starting to go. A familiar buzz coursed through my veins and it was something I had only experienced once or twice in my life. The first being during the New Year's party two years ago and the second being just last year's party.<p>

"What's so great about Mary, anyway?" Claire slurred.

"What do you mean? She's great. She's quiet and dignified and…what's the word—" I leaned into the palm of my hand. Damn, my head was getting really heavy. Was I drunk?

"Plain?" She threw in, attempting to help my lack of vocabulary. "Boring?"

"Simple."

"Safe."

"What about Cliff? What's so great about him?"

"He's great and...strong. Silent, but caring." Suddenly she sprang from her seat and covered her mouth. "I'll be right back."

Before I could raise to my feet to offer some kind of help, she ran to the inn's bathroom. A few minutes later she came back looking slightly pale and queasy.

"He must be some guy for you to throw up like that."

"I think I should go home," she groaned, pressing her face against the wooden table.

I nodded my head and stood up slowly. The ground was moving. I probably shouldn't have had those last two beers. "You should. Come on, I'll walk you."

"Carry me home mister blacksmith."

"What?"

"Carry me!" She whined, stomping her feet.

I couldn't believe what was happening. "You're unbelievable."

"Why not?" She asked, tilting up her head briefly just to catch a glimpse of my scowling face. "You did it before."

"You were injured." I rebuffed.

"And now I'm drunk."

"So you admit it."

"I just threw up. I don't think I'm in the position to argue."

There was no helping it, I knew that. I decided it would be better to just give in, so I turned my back towards her and let her climb on. I could barely stand; why would she think I had the strength to carry her home?

"Jeez Claire, you weigh a ton. Did you gain weight?" I muttered, ignoring when she pinched my sides. When she settled down, I took a step. This wasn't going to end well. I had a hard enough time walking on my own without her on my back. I looked towards Ann and Doug. "I'll be back, I'm just gonna drop her off home."

We made it two steps after leaving the Inn before she opened her mouth. "I changed my mind, I don't wanna go home."

"What are you talking about?" I grunted. "I don't want you throwing up on me. You're going home."

"I wanna go to the beach!"

"At this time? Are you serious? Claire, it's three in the morning!"

"Let's go to the beach!" She kept wailing.

I grunted in response. When it came to being stubborn I knew I was no match for her. Why couldn't I just say no to her?

The thirty-something steps were some of the hardest steps I had taken in my life. This whole situation had disaster written all over it. We managed to make it there in one piece and I quickly set her down, fearing my back would give out. I followed her lead and sat on the sand next to her.

At first I didn't know why she wanted to go here, then she piped up, "It's pretty, huh?"

I turned to her. She sat on the sand, unfazed by the fact that it would later be near impossible to get all the sand off her clothes. She wasn't smiling, but she looked happy. It was probably the way her eyes drifted from the waves to the moon, or the way she pulled her knees closer that gave her away. "Yeah."

We sat in complete silence for a moment; the only sound coming from the waves that crashed on the shore. I don't know how long it had been. Maybe seconds; maybe minutes. Then the wind picked up, sending a blast of chilly ocean air towards us. She cupped her arms in her hands in defense. "Gray?"

"Yeah?"

"What if...you were my crush?"

My heart pounded once, then stopped. I couldn't feel the coldness of the wind, even though it continued to lash at us. "I can't...I can't be your crush. I've never looked at you that way." I knew I was lying when I said it. I thought about it more than I would like to admit to, but we were all wrong. I was all sorts of messed up and she was too. She knew how much I liked Mary. How would I look if I just changed my mind and went for her? "You said so yourself, Cliff—"

"I'm asking you now," she said, taking my hand and pulling it towards her. "Look at me that way."

I don't know if it was the full moon or the way her face looked, but when she leaned in towards me I didn't move away. The kiss was fast; just a small peck on the lips, but it still managed to send my heart into overdrive. She pulled away and even in the vague darkness I could see her eyelashes flutter open.

We didn't say anything. I don't know what came over me, but I placed my hand on her arm. I watched as she swallowed, preparing herself for what was to come. This was it. The end of our friendship and the beginning to something new. She drew closer and her eyes closed. As my lips pressed against hers I realized I didn't know anymore. I didn't know anything anymore.

The only thing I knew was, _damn_, it felt good.

I felt the sudden disappearance of all my concerns. I felt her hands in my hair and I didn't mind. The only thing that managed to bring me back to the situation was a small moan. It managed to dispel the barrier blocking off my brain.

I pulled away reluctantly. I couldn't get carried away; I had to refocus. "Come on, let's get you home."

She nodded and wordlessly climbed on my back once I got up from the sand. I think the break helped me sober up a bit. Carrying her wasn't as difficult as it was before. On the other hand, after what happened at the beach I couldn't get rid of the thought of her body pressing against mine.

We didn't say anything on the way home and it wasn't until I helped her into bed and pulled the covers up when her hand caught my arm and she finally spoke.

"Stay."

I looked at her, bewildered by the request. "What? I can't stay. You don't even have a sofa to sleep on."

Her eyes wandered to a painting that hung over my right shoulder. "Stay."

"Where am I gonna sleep, Claire?" I asked with bemusement. "The kitchen floor? The bath tub? The barn? How about in the dog house?"

"Or you can sleep here." She said, giving a small pat to the space beside her.

My laughter stilled and I watched her. She didn't look away, or take back her words and instead shifted her gaze from the painting straight to me. I shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm not gonna sleep in your bed."

"Why not?"

"You're drunk."

"Are you worried I'm going to attack you?"

"It's not that." I replied instantaneously. The truth was, I didn't know if I could trust myself around her. The situation was too appealing.

"Then you can sleep here."

I stared at her, carefully weighing my options. She didn't back down. Why did I have to? Besides, it's not like I would do anything indecent. I wasn't that drunk anymore. I carefully took off my shoes and sat on the bed beside her. She didn't have to ask for my answer.

"Fine. Just sleep." I stayed on the opposite side, aware that I should keep my distance from her. She wrapped herself with the blanket a bit more, which I interpreted as a signal for me to turn off the lamp. With a click I turned off our only source of light and laid down. I was at that point of being so tired, that I just wasn't sleepy anymore.

Or maybe her presence was keeping me up.


End file.
